Comparing Ourselves to Others – Part 2 of 2

Comparison is not Vision. 

 A Spanish proverb cited in print from at least 1828 "Show me your friends and I will tell you what you are.”

 Is that true? Do we mimic those around us? When we attempt to measure up to those around us instead of working to be the best version of us, do we stunt our personal growth? 

 Show me your friends and I will tell you what you are.  A statement that has been around since 1828. Have we had the problem of comparison since 1828? Perhaps?   

 Allow me to share a story from Dale Carnegie’s book How to Enjoy Your Life and Your Job.  A story he tells in Chapter One: 

 This is from a letter written by Mrs. Edith Allred, in Mount Airy, North Carolina: 

 As a child, I was extremely sensitive and shy, I was always overweight and my cheeks made me look even fatter than I was. I had an old-fashioned mother who thought it was foolish to make clothes look pretty. She always said: Wide will wear, while narrow will tear; and she dressed me accordingly. I never went to parties; never had any fun; and when I went to school, I never joined the other children in outside activities, not even athletics. I was morbidly shy. I felt I was “different” from everybody else and entirely undesirable.

When I grew up, I married a man who was several years my senior. But I didn’t change. My in-laws were a poised and self-confident family. They were everything I should have been but simply was not. I tried my best to be like them but I couldn’t. Every attempt they made to draw me out of myself only drove me further into my shell. I became nervous and irritable. I avoided all friends. It got so bad I even dreaded the sound of the doorbell ringing! I was a failure. I knew it, and I was afraid my husband would find it out. So, whenever we were in public, I tried to be gay and overacted my part. I knew I overacted, and I would be miserable for days afterwards. At last, I became so unhappy that I could see no point in prolonging my existence. I began to think of suicide.   

What happened to change this unhappy woman’s life? Just a chance remark! 

A chance remark transformed Edith’s whole life. She states: My mother-in-law was talking one day of how she brought her children up, and she said, No matter what happened, I always insisted on their being themselves… “on being themselves”… That remark is what did it!  In a flash, I realized I had brought all this misery on myself by trying to fit myself into a pattern to which I did not conform. 

I changed overnight! I started being myself. I tried to make a study of my own personality. I tried to find out who I was. I studied my strong points. I learned all I could about colors and styles, and dressed in a way that I felt was becoming to me. I reached out to make friends. I joined an organization, a small one at first, and was petrified with fright when they put me on a program. But each time I spoke, I gained a little courage. It took a long while, but today I have more happiness than I ever dreamed possible. In rearing my own children, I have always taught them the lesson I had to learn from such a bitter experience: No matter what happens, always be yourself!

Edith spent a large part of her life thinking she was unacceptable to society because of the words and ideas of others. She tried to conform and fit into everyone else’s ideas of what was proper and acceptable and she was miserable. Then someone told her to be herself and she discovered herself and who she was, and she became a happy, confident woman.

Comparison is not vision.  Comparison is criticism. Remember in our last blog we learned that when we compare ourselves to others we are trying to make them look worse so we look better, or we are using their behavior to justify our behavior. Comparing ourselves to others stunts our growth. 

Individuality is empowering and leads to excellence. 

Now, I am not saying that you should be an outlier, different than everyone around you…off on your own mission. We are a part of a community, and we all fit together perfectly, like a puzzle, when we all do what we are each called to do, and we work together.

Each one of you is unique and vital. You have a specific purpose.

Individuality is empowering.  Take time to find out exactly what you should look like, act like, and how you are to give to this world. It may not look like anyone else, but it is your calling….your look….your gifts.

This phrase, "If you don't have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?” is often attributed to the musical South Pacific. It means, that if you don't set a goal or aspiration, you can't achieve it; a dream needs to exist before it can come true. Essentially, you need to have a vision for what you want to accomplish in order to work towards it.

What should you look like? What are your gifts? How are you going to use them to make the world a better place? What is your purpose?

In two weeks we’ll talk about how to discover your purpose.

Leave your *comments below and if there is a topic you’d like me to write about, leave those requests below as well, or email me at angelaenosauthor@gmail.com.

Happy New Year!

Be uniquely you in 2025!

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